Huidhonger – als je niet wordt aangeraakt (deel 1)

Een moeder knuffelt haar baby

Sommige mensen zijn 10, 20, 30 jaar of zelfs langer niet aangeraakt. De ‘huidhonger’ of ’tasthonger’ die ze hebben is enorm. Onderzoeker Kory Floyd zegt dat deze huidhonger vaak wordt gebagatelliseerd. Als we honger hebben, is dat niet omdat we willen eten, maar omdat we moeten eten om te leven. Als we dorst hebben, is dat niet omdat we willen drinken, maar omdat we moeten drinken, zegt Floyd. Hetzelfde geldt voor slaap en alle andere menselijke behoeften, vooral aanraking.

A lack of touch affects health

Lack of touch worsens health, Floyd says. His studies have shown that people with a lack of relationships are more depressed, isolated and have poorer health than people who are regularly touched. In the Netherlands there is often great concern that one person gets too close to another or even suffers from contact. But the opposite is often the case: people long for touch, but there is not enough of it.

The elderly, the disabled, the young, traumatized “healthy” people, social phobias, depressed people, people without a family - everyone can suffer from contactlessness. Many want nothing more than a partner and a family. One can be deprived of this by the most diverse circumstances.

Free hugs - better than nothing

The Free Hugs movement (Free Hugs = “Free Hugs”) is topical. Many people fail to take an ordinary friendship to a more intimate level for fear of attachment. Even deeper conversations or light touches are rare. Sometimes the origins lie in the early mother-child relationship: how can a child build a relationship with a mother who erects a wall? For example, this may be a reason for later approach problems, but the causes are diverse. People who have been isolated as a baby and toddler for a long time by illness or stay in an incubator, who have undergone violence and / or abuse, can make it almost impossible to get touched and to attach themselves later.

I crawl against you, you crawl inside me

Sometimes deepest unconscious problems are an obstacle. Our life starts with being in a mother's womb, which means that we are in another human and then come out again. Small children sometimes want to return to the mother's womb. In the case of sexuality, the man penetrates the woman and thus penetrates the woman's body, so that she can experience this as an act of aggression. If limits were continuously exceeded in the early development of children, if there was neglect, cold feelings, abuse or violence, those affected are no longer aware of their limits. Sometimes unconscious fantasies and fears are at work here, which often only come to light after trauma or personal crises (such as depression or burnout). Until then, those affected struggle with "abdominal pain" or "diarrhea", "constipation" and many psychosomatic complaints.

What must we do?

Considering attachment as something very important, promoting body awareness, establishing communication and relationship classes in schools - we are probably at the very beginning when it comes to “lack of contact”.

To be continued.

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